Forward note: I originally wrote this 2 weeks ago when "The Scene" actually took place. I struggled with posting the story simply because I'm not particularly pleased with the whole thing but decided to go ahead mostly because too many people got a chuckle out the telling of it and after looking back, I find that sharing the story helped me to think about my actions and reactions.
Don't think too badly of me....... Please?
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I'm torn today. Not from the decision to cover or not cover the fact that it is the 5 year anniversary of 9/11/01 or the ABC debacle. These things are already all over the Internets and my $0.02 probably aren't worth hearing anyway (I am a psycho Consipiracy Theorists after all).
No... Today I'm torn over an incident that happened over the weekend. I'm torn between the Mandatory Reporter from my years of teaching and the shock and anger of being a parent who feels that their parenting skills were being questioned.
Here's the story...
My family and I were have a nice Sunday. We went to Mass, Sandra read the scripture readings, and then we had the Parish Picnic. Very nice..... Then we went to Wal-Mart. {sigh} Anyone that has kids, knows why the sigh is there. Wal-Mart must put some kind of angry-kid pollen in the ventilation system because with my children, it never seems to fail that at least one, and usually all, of them will throw some kind of tantrum during our visit the this fine establishment.
Anyway, somewhere between the Shoe department and the meat department, more precisely in the Dairy department, my youngest daughter decides that she doesn't want to sit in the shopping cart and proceeds to throw a temper tantrum. Now my first response to this is to let he have a few seconds to calm down but this time she was inconsolable and after a few minutes of this I started noticing the GLARES, YES GLARES, from people standing around. They had that, "Why can't you control your child", "Will you please shut that kid up", "How long do I have to put up with this" look on their faces. I was also starting to tire of the little one's outburst and told her that she was preparing to be taken to our van and she would receive a swat.
OK. Yes. We spank our children. Some of you out there are probably judging us harshly for this... Others may be praising us. Sometimes I'm not sure which one I want to do. My wife and I don't beat our kids but we also don't think that a spanking is going to scar them for life. Some people would say that we should take things away from our children when they misbehave, others would say that we should talk to them. I have problems with all three options. Taking things from a 4 year old who can make a play thing from anything... well... that not much of a punishment. Talking... well... if you've ever talked to me... my kids are as strong willed as me and my wife. Spankings are a last resort but can be pretty effective in persuading our kids to shape up.
So.... The 4-year-old continues to scream bloody-murder that she isn't going to sit in the cart. So I get her out and start for the entrance. All the way, she keeps saying that she doesn't want a spanking. Not screaming anymore but telling me that she doesn't want it. I tell her that she will get only one as long as she doesn't throw a fit anymore. This works until we go outside and she sees our van. That sets her off again.... The screaming... The yelling.... Oy.
I let her know that she was earning herself another swat and then headed for the van. When I got there I asked her to lean over the seat and take her swats... This led to "The Scene".
Now, "The Scene" comprised a litany of screams, kicking, squirming, grabbing of feet and covering of buttocks with hands. I tried probably 8-10 times to give just two swats and I'm sure that "The Scene" looked far worse than it was. My daughter was in the thralls of a fit that even I haven't seen since my middle child was three herself. Anyway, two swats were given, then the battle to get her placed in her car seat began. Nothing physical except the placing of buttocks in a seat... moving of arms around restraint straps to belt her in... and me at my wits end. She continued to yell for about 10 more minutes and when she got quite I turned to find that she was out of her seat. {sigh} I crawled into the back of the van to put said child into her seat amid more screams and kicking of the backs of seats.
20 minutes pass.... relatively quite. I'm reading.... The child's horns have retreated back into her forehead and the vein that at one time was about ready to burst from my forehead is now back to normal.... That is until the knock on my window.
I thought that it was my wife needing my help to load the groceries into the van. Um... no. It was a (honestly I'm telling the truth) very nice Republic police officer. Someone saw "The Scene" and decided that instead of actually finding out what was going on, they would call the police and then HIDE behind a couple of other cars to see what happened. I got out and the first thing the officer said was, "I have a feeling I know what is going on but I have to ask... Were you beating your child?" I chuckled a bit and told him the tale. He shook his head in understanding and asked to see faux-Damien. The child was now wide-eyed as most children are when faced with a police officer. She politely answered his question when asked if she was being bad with a, "Yes". When he asked her where she got her spanking, my daughter dutifully pointed to the 2nd row driver side seat and said, "Right there in that seat", which made the officer laugh.
Then the officer asked to see my ID and said that everything was fine. He went to his car and when he was returning, he walked to another vehicle sitting behind him. While he was gone, I got the feeling that someone was watching and I started looking around to find out who "reported" me. It was an older gentleman who came over and told me that he was sorry and that he only got involved because an incident in their family. We shook hands and left it at that.
After we got home I started thinking about what happened and it bothered me in two ways.
First, I was really angry that someone would butt-in and stick their nose into my business without knowing the whole story or even coming over to check on us themselves, but then I was angry at myself for feeling that I might have taken the whole thing too far and maybe I should have waited until we were home. I'm still unsure.
Second, I was really angry that I felt stuck between two warring mind sets that I'm sure confused the situation. One side was in Wal-Mart. Those ladies "tsking" and rolling their eyes that we didn't have complete control over our children. You know the ones... The women who claim that their angels never caused them any grief when they were growing up. The other side was those that believe that the child couldn't have been making the matter any worse than it really was and that in trying to give some discipline to my child, I was in fact scaring them for life.
I tried to walk the fine line that separates these two ideologies and I think I failed miserably.
{sigh}
Don't think too badly of me....... Please?
****************************************************************************************************************************************
I'm torn today. Not from the decision to cover or not cover the fact that it is the 5 year anniversary of 9/11/01 or the ABC debacle. These things are already all over the Internets and my $0.02 probably aren't worth hearing anyway (I am a psycho Consipiracy Theorists after all).
No... Today I'm torn over an incident that happened over the weekend. I'm torn between the Mandatory Reporter from my years of teaching and the shock and anger of being a parent who feels that their parenting skills were being questioned.
Here's the story...
My family and I were have a nice Sunday. We went to Mass, Sandra read the scripture readings, and then we had the Parish Picnic. Very nice..... Then we went to Wal-Mart. {sigh} Anyone that has kids, knows why the sigh is there. Wal-Mart must put some kind of angry-kid pollen in the ventilation system because with my children, it never seems to fail that at least one, and usually all, of them will throw some kind of tantrum during our visit the this fine establishment.
Anyway, somewhere between the Shoe department and the meat department, more precisely in the Dairy department, my youngest daughter decides that she doesn't want to sit in the shopping cart and proceeds to throw a temper tantrum. Now my first response to this is to let he have a few seconds to calm down but this time she was inconsolable and after a few minutes of this I started noticing the GLARES, YES GLARES, from people standing around. They had that, "Why can't you control your child", "Will you please shut that kid up", "How long do I have to put up with this" look on their faces. I was also starting to tire of the little one's outburst and told her that she was preparing to be taken to our van and she would receive a swat.
OK. Yes. We spank our children. Some of you out there are probably judging us harshly for this... Others may be praising us. Sometimes I'm not sure which one I want to do. My wife and I don't beat our kids but we also don't think that a spanking is going to scar them for life. Some people would say that we should take things away from our children when they misbehave, others would say that we should talk to them. I have problems with all three options. Taking things from a 4 year old who can make a play thing from anything... well... that not much of a punishment. Talking... well... if you've ever talked to me... my kids are as strong willed as me and my wife. Spankings are a last resort but can be pretty effective in persuading our kids to shape up.
So.... The 4-year-old continues to scream bloody-murder that she isn't going to sit in the cart. So I get her out and start for the entrance. All the way, she keeps saying that she doesn't want a spanking. Not screaming anymore but telling me that she doesn't want it. I tell her that she will get only one as long as she doesn't throw a fit anymore. This works until we go outside and she sees our van. That sets her off again.... The screaming... The yelling.... Oy.
I let her know that she was earning herself another swat and then headed for the van. When I got there I asked her to lean over the seat and take her swats... This led to "The Scene".
Now, "The Scene" comprised a litany of screams, kicking, squirming, grabbing of feet and covering of buttocks with hands. I tried probably 8-10 times to give just two swats and I'm sure that "The Scene" looked far worse than it was. My daughter was in the thralls of a fit that even I haven't seen since my middle child was three herself. Anyway, two swats were given, then the battle to get her placed in her car seat began. Nothing physical except the placing of buttocks in a seat... moving of arms around restraint straps to belt her in... and me at my wits end. She continued to yell for about 10 more minutes and when she got quite I turned to find that she was out of her seat. {sigh} I crawled into the back of the van to put said child into her seat amid more screams and kicking of the backs of seats.
20 minutes pass.... relatively quite. I'm reading.... The child's horns have retreated back into her forehead and the vein that at one time was about ready to burst from my forehead is now back to normal.... That is until the knock on my window.
I thought that it was my wife needing my help to load the groceries into the van. Um... no. It was a (honestly I'm telling the truth) very nice Republic police officer. Someone saw "The Scene" and decided that instead of actually finding out what was going on, they would call the police and then HIDE behind a couple of other cars to see what happened. I got out and the first thing the officer said was, "I have a feeling I know what is going on but I have to ask... Were you beating your child?" I chuckled a bit and told him the tale. He shook his head in understanding and asked to see faux-Damien. The child was now wide-eyed as most children are when faced with a police officer. She politely answered his question when asked if she was being bad with a, "Yes". When he asked her where she got her spanking, my daughter dutifully pointed to the 2nd row driver side seat and said, "Right there in that seat", which made the officer laugh.
Then the officer asked to see my ID and said that everything was fine. He went to his car and when he was returning, he walked to another vehicle sitting behind him. While he was gone, I got the feeling that someone was watching and I started looking around to find out who "reported" me. It was an older gentleman who came over and told me that he was sorry and that he only got involved because an incident in their family. We shook hands and left it at that.
After we got home I started thinking about what happened and it bothered me in two ways.
First, I was really angry that someone would butt-in and stick their nose into my business without knowing the whole story or even coming over to check on us themselves, but then I was angry at myself for feeling that I might have taken the whole thing too far and maybe I should have waited until we were home. I'm still unsure.
Second, I was really angry that I felt stuck between two warring mind sets that I'm sure confused the situation. One side was in Wal-Mart. Those ladies "tsking" and rolling their eyes that we didn't have complete control over our children. You know the ones... The women who claim that their angels never caused them any grief when they were growing up. The other side was those that believe that the child couldn't have been making the matter any worse than it really was and that in trying to give some discipline to my child, I was in fact scaring them for life.
I tried to walk the fine line that separates these two ideologies and I think I failed miserably.
{sigh}
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Comments
Someday, when they're teenagers you're going to wistfully look back to this day with a small smile because things were much easier when you could just pick them up and carry them out of the store.
And when they leave for college, you're probably going to find yourself wiping a tear away as you remember carrying her out of the store and wishing you could do it one more time.
And when they have their own kids, you're going to get a some fun and maybe even a little belated revenge by telling your grandkids that mommy or daddy threw a temper tantrum just like they did when they were that age. Then you're going to wish you could bring that day back just for a little while because it is a good memory and maybe was even a little fun now that you're looking back at it...from a distance.
Been there done that.
I think that the security cameras in Wal*Mart are really there to record these terrifying parenting moments... Then they show the videos during highschool programs to promote abstinence.
Well... except without the trip to the parking lot and the police being called.
I wonder what the outcome with the police officer would have been had the incident happened in:
1. Springfield
2. St. Louis
3. New York
4. San Francisco
Great personal blog post. Hard to put our souls out there for all to see.
The choice to spank or not is terribly hard... then hard to stick with one way or the other.
I hope the officer's arrival turned into a teaching moment for the youngin'... and not a reward.
We're about ready to teach '911' and how to call the fire department, but knowing that our cousin's child then realized this brought the fire trucks to the house each time... we're a bit nervous.
Guess we're never the first people to go through it all.
Hang in there, Dad.